Now What?

Since given the "all clear" from the oncologist, I was thrilled and giddy with the news.  After about a week later I began to wonder what next? As I mentioned in an earlier post, my career was cut short. So I began to search various job sites for a potentially ideal position for me.  Well...that hasn't produced much. The first, was back in October while I was in the middle of AC chemo.  What I on drugs???? Obviously, yes I was.  Needless to say, I wasn't in tip top form (mentally or physically), but at least I can say I gave it the ole college try!

The second interview was a disaster!  The Indeed.com posting was for a Marketing Director to manager 130 stores.  Sounded perfect for me.  So I shot off the resume and the next day received a call from HR for an interview.  Everything sounded legit.  Friday, I was professionally dressed, resume in my lucky Coach tote, and drove to the interview. The first thing I noticed once I entered the lobby of the building, was the company was not listed on the directory.  Suite 300 was located on the third floor, so as I left the elevator, I noticed the Suite 300 placard did not have the company's name (the 2nd red flag).  I entered the suite and asked the receptionist if I was in the right location and that I had an interview with "Joshua".  I was told I was correct and to have a seat.  As I sat and waited, I noticed the busyness of the office.  Middle-aged men and women, dressed business causal, wandered across the lobby.  Although I had noticed red flag warning, as this sight, I thought it's legit.

The 3rd red flag warning: Josh finally arrived and led the way out of the suite, pass the elevators, around a corner to a door with a key pad. He entered a code, and I followed him into a generic-looking office.

4th red flag:  As we began the interview, it was obvious, this was some sort of pyramid scheme. What a waste of my time and effort!  I got out of that place in a hurry.

Even though I did my research, i.e. googling Joshua and researching the company's website top to down, I didn't notice anything out of the ordinary.

So now I'm at a point in my life that I'm questioning what my next move should be?  Continue researching for a job? Stay at home and manage the house? Write a novel? Do needlepoint? In a nutshell, I feel cheated. The position that I loved and did well, was snatched away. How do I move pass this point?

Photo Gallery

My life battling TNBC

Surgery, July 31, 2015. Scars after surgery. Not pretty but, I'm alive. Lumpectomy on the right breast and central line inserted on the left breast.

Going through Chemotherapy. Yay!Ringing the bell at the end of treatments.

Radiation

I'm now into my second week of radiation.  While the treatments are so much easier than chemo, it is a bit of a pain to make the daily commute to the hospital.  Radiation treatments take up 30 minutes.  The techs line the machine up with my tiny dot tattoos and then the fun begins.  First up are two different angles xrays.  Then the machine begins the rad treatments.  It begins on my left and ends underneath my back.  Each blasts normally ranges anywhere from 6 seconds to 20 seconds in duration.

While I question the number of treatments I'll be receiving (33 in all). When I questioned my Radiology Oncologist regarding the rationale behind so many, he replied the density of breast tissues make up the personalized treatments (big boobs).  I realize the rads are killing off any residue cancer cells.  But I also wish I had smaller breasts.

Finally...the spiritual connection!

For those you that have read my blog, you'll remember how unfulfilled the Breast Cancer Support Group was for me. Not only was it not productive, but I did not experience that spiritual commonality that I was looking and hoping for. The women in this group did not or could not sympathy with my diagnosis.  All of them were survivors of hormone receptor breast cancer.  All but a few were unaware of the existence of Triple Negative.

I am happy to report that I have finally found the connection I've needed. While searching the web, looking for information on NTBC, I found by accident the website/forum dedicated solely to women with NTBC.  This site is full of interesting articles, the latest research advances and a forum for discussions on the different aspects of our cancer and treatments.  I have learned that NTBC is not a one size fits all type of cancer.  The typical breast cancer strikes women age 62 and above.  NTBC is one that will strike women 30 and up.

I have connected with women from Singapore, Canada, and Mexico.  All have similar concerns and are needing that spiritual connection.  I have this site and recommend it to those who have been hit with NTBC.  Click here to learn more.

Next Up Radiation

I have a few weeks of reprisal before beginning radiation.  I have been spending the days reflecting on the past few months, the struggle, the hardships and the will to win.  I recently had my follow-up appointment with the oncologist.  As she scan my medical history pertaining to the chemo treatments, she closed the file and declared I was a star.  Being a taken back, I asked why a star.  From her response I learned more about my cancer than all the research I had worked on.  10-20% f women diagnosed with breast cancer is actually diagnosed with Triple Negative.  The other 80-90% of breast cancer are estrogen, protrogen and HR4H receptive, meaning the cancer is receptive to treatment using the female hormones.  Triple Negative is not receptive to hormonal treatments and is an aggressive cancer and in some cases may reoccur.  The treatment TNBC is with stronger chemicals called AC (a combination of Adriamycin and Cytoxan ), followed by Taxol.  The doctor also mentioned a majority of patients undergoing treatment undergo hospitalization or become ill.  I seemed to sail through the treatments without a hitch, cough, fever, or cold. Well, good for me!

The End of Chemotherapy

Thursday, January 28, 2016 marks the end of a long, tedious journey through chemotherapy.  I began the journey in September, and still can't believe I cooked Thanksgiving dinner, decorated the house for Christmas, and rang in 2016 at midnight. Finally I can say "I'm through"! I am at the half finished part of my treatments.

As I look back, I am amazed at my determination; the strength; and the will to carry on a "normal life" as possible.  While my house wasn't as clean as usual, I carried on with the chores when I had the strength, I exercised when I was able; usually on the recumbent bike, riding the goal of 5 miles. And a couple of times near the end of chemo, I hopped on the treadmill and ran .50 mile.

I began Taxol in November. It was the chemo drug for the next 14 treatments, and much easier to tolerate. I was instructed to take Compazine (an anti-nauseous medication) one hour prior to the appointment time.  Taxol has the reputation of these side effects:  nausea, allergic reactions and can cause stomach issues.  I was given Benadryl, just in case.  The total effect of the Compazine and Benadryl, caused drowsiness and I basically slept through the treatments.

During the last month, I was shocked when I began to lose my eyebrows and eye lashes.  I was prepared for the loss of body hair, i.e. legs, arms, privates, but it never occurred that I would lose the hair around my eyes.  The hair on my scalp however, is growing. Life is good, it is what it is, the glass is half full.  My mantras.

My Chemical Romance

My chemo sessions are broken down into two cycles.  The first cycle is comprised of 4 sessions with a chemical cocktail. Yeah...a chemo cocktail, not a refreshing alcoholic cocktail. So, every other week, I sit through a two hour chemo session. 

The chemicals are supposed to be pushed through the port in my chest, but as you can guess from reading previous posts, I have not been the luckiest of people. Each time a chemo session begins, the nurse inserts a syringe and draws blood. This indicates the port is functional and the chemo flows to the main artery. Unfortunately for me, the nurse has been unable to draw blood and the sessions have been administered through a vein in my left arm.  This is not a good protocol to follow and consequently, I was referred to the hospital for a port study.

The port study will determine if the port is defective and will have to surgically be replaced or my body is producing clogging agents.  After a quick cat scan, I was told the port is fine and my body was the cause of the clog.

Next up for me is the 4 hour drip appointment.  This drip will unclog the port and on Wednesday, I will have a less stressful chemo session.  This drip however, does not guarantee the port will stay clogged-free.

My first 4 sessions include the cocktail mix of Adriamycin(R) and Cyclophosphamide. Adriamycin(R) is a vesicant. A vesicant is a chemical that causes extensive tissue damage and blistering if it escapes from the vein. The amount of Adriamycin given depends on the patients' height and weight, general health and the type of cancer.

In my case, Adriamycin is given in the form of three syringes.  Adriamycin is bright red in color and produces urine of the same color.  The syringes are inserted in the IV first and then Cyclophosphamide is administered next through a drip. 

Why did I titled this post My Chemical Romance? Because I have a love/hate relationship with chemo. Let me break it down for you:

Hate:

• True to the info sheet, I began losing hair at day 14
• Extreme fatigue and muscle weakness
• Nausea
• Diarrhea
• Poor appetite

Love:

• Poor appetite
• Weight loss YAY (I'll take it any way I can)
• I have lost a total of 18 pounds
• Eating smaller portions
• Hating the taste of sodas
• Hating the taste of chocolates

Yes, this is a full confession of my chemical romance. BOOM.